My Oasis ticket hell: ‘I have finally reached the top of the queue but I have lost interest’

Tuesday, 9am: The worst kept secret in showbiz (for the last three days anyway) has been confirmed. The rock’n’roll stars are back baby and the world is going mad for it. Talk of ticket frenzies for Oasis concerts in Ireland and Britain forces those who were in the trenches in 2023 and still suffering PTSD to recall the horrors of the Coldplay and Taylor Swift scramble.

There are jokes about limiting access to the old folk who paid £6.50 to see the band in the Tivioli in 1994 or can at least sing Supersonic and Live Forever word perfect after 40 Major and 11 pints of lager. People who use TikTok should definitely be banned, the old folk fume.

There is some delight that there will be none of that presale or surge pricing nonsense so beloved of concert promoters these days. It will be a straight up bun fight on Saturday morning at 8am, a cruel and unusual time for a band like Oasis to put tickets up for grabs for sure, but at least we will all be in it together.

Tuesday, 5pm: There is a bloody presale. To get access we’re asked to take part in a ballot – a ballot no less. I’m all over it. There is a mini-table quiz involved which is very exciting. I answer the first question confidently. I have seen the band 1-2 times. It is, in fact, just the one time when they played support to REM in Slane in 1995. From what I recall they were grand. Liam swore a...
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