When someone dies, the people left behind face more than grief. They are often hit with a wave of decisions – emotional, logistical and financial – that must be made quickly and under pressure.
You may not be able to control what happens after you’re gone. But you can make the process a lot easier for your family by doing a few simple things now. Financial therapy research shows that financial decisions made under stress or grief are more likely to lead to conflict or regret.
Our work as researchers and practitioners in financial planning and financial therapy explores how money isn’t just about spreadsheets and savings – it’s also about identity, emotions, and relationships.
Planning for death, as hard as it may be, is one of the kindest acts you can offer.
Death is inevitable, but chaos doesn’t have to be. A few gentle conversations, a simple will, and a bit of planning can protect your family from unnecessary pain. You don’t need to have everything figured out – you just need to start. Even small steps taken now can have a ripple effect on your family’s financial and emotional wellbeing.
We have identified four practical steps you can take: start the conversation; talk about what matters to you; get your paperwork in order; and make your funeral plans known.
Start the conversation. In many cultures, death is difficult to talk about. It can feel awkward, inappropriate, or even disrespectful to bring it up with loved ones. But avoiding the conversation doesn’t stop death from coming – it only makes it harder for those left behind.
Financial therapy research shows that avoidance of money conversations is common, but can be damaging. People avoid these talks because of anxiety, cultural taboos, or fear of upsetting others, but they’re exactly the conversations that help reduce stress in the future. You don’t need to hold a formal family meeting.
A softer approach often works best. For example, if someone in your community passes away, you could say, “It got me thinking about what you’d want for your funeral.” If they seem uncomfortable, try saying, “I know it’s not easy to talk about. I just care, and I’d rather know than have to guess.” If they still don’t want to talk, that’s okay. Sometimes planting the seed is enough.
Talk about what matters to you. Every family and community has its own way of honouring the dead. Some prefer large, traditional funerals with extended family and religious rites. Others may want something smaller, more personal, or less expensive. When people know what matters most to you – and what doesn’t – they are more likely to carry out your wishes with peace of mind.
Research has found that clarity around financial and emotional intentions helps reduce family tension and grief-related conflict.
For example, you might not want money borrowed for your funeral. You might prefer cremation, or a specific cultural rite. Or you may want something symbolic, like a tree planted in your honour. Saying it now helps your loved ones later.
Get your paperwork in order. A will helps ensure that your assets go where you want them to. It also helps reduce disputes among family members. But in South Africa, for example, only around 15% of people die with a valid will. In Nigeria, 70% of people die intestate and 80% of people in Ghana die without a valid will. That leaves families at the mercy of state rules – and that can create real problems.
Make sure your will is clear, legally valid, and updated to reflect any life changes such as marriage, divorce, or the birth of a child. It’s also essential to review your nominated beneficiaries on life policies and pensions. If they are outdated or deceased, the payout may be delayed or go to someone you didn’t intend. Leaving financial matters unclear can also unsettle family roles and identities, especially when adult siblings or extended relatives feel overlooked.
Make your funeral plans known. In many African households, funerals are deeply significant events, tied to culture, status, and family pride. But the cost of burying a loved one, and the weight of organising the ceremony, can fall heavily on those who remain.
If you’ve taken out a funeral policy or belong to a burial society or stokvel (savings club), make sure someone knows. Funeral policies can pay out within 48 hours – but some take weeks, depending on the circumstances and paperwork. Write down the name of the provider, the expected payout, and who to contact.
Keep documents in a safe place, and tell a trusted person where to find them. Even if you can’t afford a policy, having a clear conversation about what you would want – and what you wouldn’t – is a powerful gift. Not everyone wants a lavish send-off. Sometimes, what people want most is for their family to avoid debt and stay united.
Planning ahead allows families to mourn, rather than scramble.